The rule of thumb is that if a guest is invited to a bridal shower the guest would also be invited to the wedding. However, you could get around this rule by making sure that the host of your party has informed people that you will be having an intimate affair. This will clear the air long before the bridal shower. If you have made it very clear to your host that you want to keep you wedding a small intimate affair they will not convey your message to guest but insist on throwing you a shower, you should gracefully accept. Have your mom or another person who is close to you pass the message along that a casual get together would be a much better way to go. Like a brunch or cocktails at a local restaurant. This will take the pressure off and lessen the formality.
